


Frost Kitties Are People, Too

by needleyecandy



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Catboys & Catgirls, FrostKitty!Loki, Loki Does What He Wants, Lokitty, Thor also does what Loki wants, and making Thor's life difficult, and playing, likes belly rubs, probably could be G but a few brief references to sex so author is playing it safe with the rating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2084151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the end of the battle on Jotunheim, Odin enters the temple to find a small black Frost Kitten, a runt, abandoned. Left to die. </p><p>He brings it home to be a brother for his young son, Thor. </p><p>Things don't go quite as planned.</p><p>I marked this complete since each chapter is stand-alone, it doesn't mean there won't be more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Little word-doodles I've been entertaining myself with, and figured I'd share. Updates will be erratic, based mainly on when one of my cats does something that I can picture Loki doing.

At the end of the battle on Jotunheim, Odin enters the temple to find a small black Frost Kitten, a runt, abandoned. Left to die.

He brings it home to be a brother for his young son, Thor. By the time the kitten is three, he has learned how to shift between cat shape and Frost Kitty shape. He is equally intelligent, vain, and arrogant in both forms. He generally keeps his Frost Kitty shape to interact more easily with the Asgardians. They are painfully thick even when he speaks the same language they do; when he can only meow, they are truly hopeless.

*****

“I don’t understand why you keep throwing up in my bed, Loki.”

“It’s very important.”

“Why is it important?”

“It’s something that needs to be done.” Loki’s voice is so calm and matter-of-fact, Thor isn’t sure why he’s even trying to argue. Still, it’s his _bed_.

“But why my bed?”

“It’s very important.”

*****

Loki scratched on Thor’s bedroom door. “Thor, let me in,” he said.

“Loki, it’s three in the morning.”

“You know how I feel about closed doors, Thor. If you didn’t close them, I wouldn’t have to wake you up.”

“You have your own bedroom, Loki.”

“It’s not the same. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. I can do this all night, Thor.   Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor. Thor.”

Thor sighed and reluctantly got up, shivering as his feet hit the cold floor. He opened the door. “There. Satisfied?” he asked.

“Satisfaction is not in my nature.”

“Can you pretend just long enough for me to sleep the rest of the night?”

“Maybe. I need my belly rubbed first.”

“Goodnight, Loki. I’ll rub your belly in the morning.”

Loki gave him a look of disdain and curled up at the foot of his bed.

“You do have your own bed, Loki,” Thor reminded him.

“This is better. This way you can’t move your feet.”

Thor sighed again. “Goodnight, Loki. I love you.”

“Goodnight, Thor. If you rub my belly, I’ll tell you that I love you.”

Thor closed his eyes, giving up on the hope of any further sleep until he did what Loki wanted. “Come up where I can reach you, then.”

Soon, loud purring filled the room. Mixed in there somewhere was a warm, “I love you too, Thor.”

*****

Thor turned into the main hallway and saw Loki walking ahead of him, spraying things with a small atomizer. “Loki,” he said, knowing even as the words left his mouth that he would regret asking it, “what are you doing?”

Loki turned and looked at him, his face a mask of astonishment at Thor’s utter stupidity. _Well, I did let myself in for it_ , Thor thought.

“I’m making things mine, Thor,” Loki said in an exaggeratedly slow voice, emphasizing his disdain for his brother’s low intelligence.

“Ah. And you’re using a perfume bottle because…?”

“It’s much more efficient,” Loki said.

“Ah,” Thor said again. “Well, it wouldn’t do to waste time.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Loki said sternly, fixing him with a penetrating gaze. “Not when there are so many things that need to be taken care of today.”

“And those would be?”

Loki sighed and held up his hands to count off all the things he had to take care of. He really was a very busy cat. “I need to make a lot of things mine. I need a belly rub. I need a bath. I need my morning cuddles. I need my afternoon cuddles. I need to strut for the lady cats. I need another bath. I need to chase at least three mice. And,” he finished, his eyes staring into Thor’s as he held up nine fingers, “I need to eat some grass and throw up on your bed.”

Thor wrapped his arm around Loki’s waist. “Maybe you could skip some of your work for today? I bought you a present, ” he said.

“What kind of present?”

“It’s a surprise.”

Loki sighed heavily and held up his tenth finger. “ _And_  I need to get my present. Tasks are not to be abandoned in a well-regulated home, Thor.”

Thor gave him an affectionate squeeze. “Can’t you let things go just for once?”

Loki whirled on him. “This is not a _dog_  household, Thor,” he spat.

*****

Loki followed Thor as they left the lunch table. “I’m ready for my present now,” he explained.

“Of course! It’s right this way…” Thor threw open the door to his room to proudly display a huge, carefully carved climbing tree, covered in perches, small hiding places, and lots of good things to scratch. It was next to the window, offering a beautiful view of Asgard from the upper seats.

“Thor!” Loki gasped. “I love it!”

He ran straight to the box it came in and spent nearly an hour pretending that he was a sabre-tooth tiger hiding in a cave to attack his prey. His prey was Thor, of course.

He finally tired of the game long enough for Thor to get himself bandaged up. “I need my belly rub now,” Loki told him.

*****

Loki sat outside the bathroom door howling.

“You can’t come in until I’m dressed, Loki,” Fandral’s voice floated out.

“Sif lets me in when _she’s_  bathing,” Loki said. “She says that I am a calming and relaxing presence.”

“You’ve never tried to neuter her.”

“It’s hardly my fault that you have dangly bits and she doesn’t. Please?”

“No. Look, why don’t you go visit Volstagg? I heard him say that he’s got a mouse problem at home, I’m sure he’d love to have you visit.”

“I’m not really into mice any more. I’m on more of a vole kick.”

*****

It was the day of Thor’s coronation. Odin, the All-Father, was about to pass the throne and title on to his son. The people of Asgard filled the throne room, Thor knelt at the foot of the throne, and Odin sat upon it. Frigga stood to the side, watching proudly. Loki munched on some grass, relishing the opportunity to make himself throw up somewhere really special.

Suddenly, Odin went still. “Frost Kitties!” he said.

The Frost Kitties were driven out with the big metal thing that made scary noises. Loki hated it, but it did the job.

When it was over and the Frost Kitties were gone back to Jotunheim, suspicion naturally fell upon him. What with him being a Frost Kitty himself, and all.  

“Oh, come on,” he said. “When have you seen me be nice to another cat?”

“There was that pretty calico yesterday,” Thor offered.

“And that lovely silver lady with black whiskers the day before,” added Volstagg.

Fandral chimed in as well. “I’ve seen you with a charming brown tabby more than once.”

“As have I,” said Hogun.

Sif added, “And just last week, I found you in the alley with-”

Loki interrupted her. “Oh, _lady_  cats. Yes, of course I’m nice to _lady_  cats. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to open Asgard to an invasion of Frost Kitties.”

*****

Loki took his slender, lithe cat form and was busy climbing all over the workings of the Bifrost. Thor watched helplessly.

“Loki, can you please get down?”

Loki cast him a glance so disdainful that it was amazing Thor managed to stay upright, just from the force of the gaze.

Thor sighed - Loki made Thor sigh quite a lot - and tried to climb up after his brother. But a small cat can do many things that a large god cannot. Thor bumped a lever with his ankle as he strained upwards with one arm. The Bifrost hummed to life, and Loki was in its path.

“Loki!” Thor yelled, lunging for the small figure and tossing it to safety. He himself, though, was pulled through.

Loki glared after him, highly annoyed at being _tossed_. He was so annoyed he had to have a bath. He was halfway through washing his bits when the the bright moving lights caught his attention. He batted at them a moment before losing interest, and went back to climbing the mechanism. No one (or rather, no one with any sense of responsibility) noticed that the Bifrost was active until it had blown itself out, and Thor was stuck on Midgard. He fell in a place called Arizona, and out of desperation took up a under-the-table job as a blacksmith while waiting to go home.

A stray cat was sitting on his doorstep one day when he got back to his apartment building. He took her inside and gave her food and water, and he named her Jane. She was brown and tiny, and much more openly affectionate than Loki. It was unsettling; he was used to Loki’s sneering sort of love. As soon as Heimdall got the Bifrost fixed, he was able to return home. He found Jane a nice home and said goodbye. She really was a nice cat, and he had enjoyed her company. But his heart was already taken by another cat, long and black and bewitching.

Loki refused to talk to Thor for the rest of the day.

“Loki,” Thor pleaded, “I didn’t want to go. You know that.”

  
The next morning, though, he talked.

“You left me, Thor!”

“I didn’t want to, and you are in the fact the one who sent me through! Please, Loki. How about an ear rub?”

Loki weakened. Thor did give the best ear rubs. So he let Thor approach, and gave him a head butt to the chest, freezing when he smelled something he didn’t like.

“You petted another cat, Thor,” Loki hissed.

“She was a nice cat, Loki,” Thor pleaded. “But you’re the one I love.”

“You smell like her.”

“You spend time with other cats, too,” Thor pointed out.

“Well, yes, but that’s for-” Loki gasped. “You didn’t have sex with her, did you, Thor? That’s sick! She’s a cat!”

Thor was horrified. “Of course I didn’t have sex with her, Loki!” he said heatedly.

“Well, that’s good,” Loki grumbled. He paused. “Was she pretty?”

“Loki,” Thor warned.

“Fine, fine,” he huffed. “Just curious.”

*****

“Mother. I’m starving to death. Mother. Mother,” Loki said.

“That’s because you didn’t eat your dinner,” Frigga told him patiently.

“I didn’t want _that._  I want something else. I’d hate to have to report you to the Society for the Quality Feeding of Kitties.”

“I’ve never heard of that society before, dear.”

“It’s new. I founded it so I’d have somewhere to file my reports when I’m being given inferior dinners. It has my princely seal and everything.”

“Dinner was the same thing you loved when we had it last week. You stole half of Thor’s off his plate when he wasn’t looking.”

“Yes, _last week_ ,” he grumbled, standing up. “Never mind. I’ll see if I can track down some voles. If you find one on your pillow in the morning, it means I’ve forgiven you.”

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki can be sweet when he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Thor woke up with a violent sneeze. It was reasonable enough; his torso was freezing from where he’d thrown off his blankets in the night, which he’d done trying to get some temperature balance, because Loki was draped over his feet, pinning them and heating them mercilessly. 

The sneeze woke Loki, as well. “Was that really necessary, Thor?” came an irritated voice from the foot of the bed.

“I’m sorry, Loki,” Thor said, vaguely wondering why he was the one apologizing. 

“Well, don’t do it again.”

By the time dawn broke, it was clear that Thor’s sneezing wasn’t just because of the temperature shifts, and that his temperature wasn’t just due to a bare chest and overheated feet. Thor was sick. 

“Really, Thor, it’s disgusting. I do wish you’d try harder to avoid catching diseases.”

“I’m sorry, Loki.”

Loki avoided him all day. Thor’s shuffling gait in his warm wool slippers always made Loki nervous, and the hot cup of tea that he carried around kept threatening to spill. No, best to be far away until the whole thing was over with.

That night, though, Thor got worse. Bad enough that Frigga ordered him to bed immediately after dinner. When he didn’t argue, it was clear how terrible he felt.

And when he struggled out of fitful dreams, there was a small warm lump behind his knees. 

Loki was still there in the morning. He was there every time Thor woke up, a slender black cat whose affectionate cuddles lulled him back to sleep. In the night, when he looked around, fever-confused, Loki’s reassuring eyes glowed at him from the darkness. He took his Frost Kitty shape just long enough to help Thor sit up to drink his water or coax him to eat, and to help him to the bathroom to relieve himself. Then he was back to being a cat, letting Thor have the bed space to shift restlessly. 

Two days later Thor woke to find Loki sitting on the side of the bed, full-sized again, and curling his lip.

“Go bathe, Thor. You smell hideous. You have no concern for my delicate sense of smell.”

He stalked off, slamming the door behind him. Thor smiled, and stood up by himself, and went to fetch his breakfast.


	3. Earthquake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an earthquake. Loki doesn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess how I spent my night? :)
> 
> Enjoy!

They were jolted awake as the bed gave a queasy lurch, and then another, and another. They could hear the wooden supports of the palace walls creaking around them.

Loki jumped up with a hiss and squeezed under the bed. He refused to accept that he didn't fit as well as when he was a kitten.

When the shaking stopped, Thor got down to the floor to peer in at his brother. "Loki, you can come out now. It was just a little earthquake."

"I hate it!" Loki hissed. 

"Come out and I'll rub your ears? That will make things better."

Loki glared, but he slowly crawled out. Ear rubs were hard to resist, and Thor's were some of the best. He sat uneasily, his body twitching and whiskers trembling, as Thor gently caressed his ears. "See? Everything's all right now. We're safe, we're safe at home," he soothed. 

But as good as it felt, Loki couldn't stop shaking. _Time for the big guns_ , thought Thor.

"Would you like me to fetch you some fish?"

Loki narrowed his eyes. "It did take you long enough to think of that."

Thor returned from the kitchens, half expecting to find Loki curled up asleep, but he was still keyed up, jumping between pieces of furniture. He sat still long enough to eat, though. It was excellent fish. It had been cooked perfectly, and it was in a light yet creamy sauce with just the right amount of dill, and... Loki had to focus... was that...? Yes. The faintest trace of nutmeg.

By the time the plate was clean, Loki had thoroughly analyzed the recipe and forgotten that he was upset about the earthquake.

"There. All better?" Thor asked.

"I suppose," Loki grumbled. "You're a god. I wish you'd do something about those things."

Thor laughed. "You're a god, too," he pointed out.

"Of mischief," Loki retorted.

"And adorableness," Thor added.

"I thought that went without mention. But you're the nature god."

"Thunder," he said. "I have nothing to do with plate tectonics."

Loki gave a pointed sigh as he sprawled out in the very center of Thor's bed. "Well, I wish you'd take that on." 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to everyone whose staring pets interfere with their sex lives.

Thor was settled comfortably on the chaise longue in the library while Loki napped on the thick plush carpet. He was engrossed in his book and was completely unaware of the passage of time until a stiffening muscle in his back demanded attention. He stretched carefully, aware how noisy this chair was, and trying not to bother the dreaming Frost Kitty before him. 

It didn’t work. The chaise let out a horrific creak and Loki peeled open a single, baleful eye.

Thor froze, trying to pretend that he hadn’t made any sound. Loki’s eye slowly began to close, but just as Thor was relaxing, Loki sprang up and draped himself over the long arm of the chaise. He tore at it, kicking and spitting and biting at the upholstery. Thor curled up into a ball, his hands over his head protectively. He’d been through this before, and learned through hard experience that the best response was to duck and cover.

The attack ended as quickly as it began. Loki was on his feet, sauntering out the door. Thor peered through his fingers to watch him go.

Loki glanced back just before he left the room. “It looked at me funny,” he said.

*****

The new serving maid was pointedly interested in Thor. She was also decidedly pretty, and had the sort of quick wit he found irresistible. She carefully kept his mead glass brimming all evening, and as the crowd thinned, she flirted more and more boldly. 

Thor, in turn, grew more and more morose.

When he was the last one left at the table, she leaned closer. “Before I joined the serving staff, I was one of the cleaners,” she whispered to him conspiratorially. “But I never got to see inside any of the royal chambers.” When he didn’t respond, she added rather more pointedly, “or the inside of a royal bed.”

“There’s no point,” Thor sighed. “My brother would just stare at us the whole time.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Interestingly enough, Loki wasn’t lying when he said that Sif liked his company when she was in the bath. True, it had been more than a little unsettling the first time she forgot to lock the door and he had shoved his way in to stare at her as she lay stretched out, naked, in the clear water. 

It was quickly apparent, though, that his interests were simply astonishment that someone would actually choose to submerge themselves, and, even more amazing, find it enjoyable; admiring his reflection in the water; batting casually at the surface of the water and then licking it off in disgust; and having a captive audience. His more, ahem, _physical_  preferences seemed unfazed by Asgardians. 

So a summer afternoon found Sif relaxing in a cool bath after a few grueling hours in the sparring ring, with Loki stretched out along the side of the tub. He splashed at the water with the tips of his fingers.

“I really don’t see what you find enjoyable about this,” he said idly.

“You like to be clean, too,” she answered.

“Sometimes it’s like you don’t even know what your tongue is for,” he told her.

She laughed and reached for her towel, drying off one hand and bringing it to his head to rub gently at one of his ears. 

Loki closed his eyes in bliss. “That feels wonderful,” he purred. “Although a few compliments right about now would not be amiss.”

“Your green eyes are lovely,” she told him. “And your coat is so glossy and black. You’re such an elegant, gorgeous fellow. I think you’re the handsomest kitty in all Asgard.”

He purred harder, melting contentedly into the marble. She led her head rest back and floated in the water, listening to his rumblings and enjoying the soft fur against her fingers.

*****

Thor trudged out of the council hall, bone-weary. A dark figure coalesced out of the shadows and slipped between his feet just as the reached the top of the stairs. He looked down at the small black face that peered up at him.

"Please, Loki. I've had a terrible day. Could you save your attempts to kill me until tomorrow?"

Loki tilted his head in thought. 

"You know, I could really do with some kitty cuddles," Thor told him, reaching down, but the sleek figure danced nimbly out of his way.

"I promise I'll never speak of it again," he offered. "There's just nothing as good as kitty cuddles."

Loki considered for a moment, then sidled closer, the picture of nonchalance. Thor scooped him up into strong arms and carried him over to the broad window to look out over Asgard. Loki settled down and began to purr as Thor gently stroked his back.

The sun set, and the air cooled, but they stayed warm together.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to order pizza last night because I couldn't get into my pantry.

The kitchen staff all shoved into the hall together, pushing at one another to approach the high table, where most of the family had gathered, just waiting for Loki. Finally, the cook strode forward.  
  
"Is there trouble with dinner?" Odin asked kindly. He never failed to burn his food when he was on hunting trips, and it was a source of constant amazement that the kitchens managed to avoid it so consistently.

"No, your highness. It's about the wine."

"The wine? What's wrong with it?"

"Well, you see, sir, nothing is wrong with it, but we can't get it. His highness the prince is sleeping in front of the door to the wine cellar and we can't get in."

"But that door swings inward. Surely you can step over him," Frigga said.

"I tried, mum," piped up one of the kitchen boys, the one with fuzzy hair and long legs. "He... he opened one eye and _looked_  at me."

"We're not paid enough to risk life and limb," the cook said boldly.  
  
"No, you're not paid enough for that," Frigga agreed, looking pointedly at Thor.

"You want _me_  to get the wine? I'm not paid _anything_ ," he said.

Frigga just stared at him. On occasion, she and Loki bore an eerie similarity. Thor sighed and slid back his chair.

*****

Frigga and Sif were walking through the hall after lunch, having a delightful chat about favored methods to sever the jugular of a much taller opponent, when they heard a noise. A distant thundering. They looked at each other curiously. Thor? No, he was still finishing his pie.

The sound grew louder, closer, until it resolved into footfalls, and then Loki ran past them at his top speed. They watched him go past, racing onward down the hall until he reached a staircase. He stopped abruptly and sat down on the first step.

As they walked past him, they looked at him with curiosity.

"What?" he demanded.

***** 

Loki was making himself _thoroughly_ unpleasant. The ambassador for Vanaheim had arrived unexpectedly early, and thrown everyone's routines into confusion. Loki's reaction seemed rather extreme, though, pacing the hall and howling while Odin tried to give his speech of welcome. Thor placed a comforting hand on his brother's arm, jerking away when sharp fangs sunk into his skin. That was when he realized what had been lost in all the commotion. He scooped Loki up in his arms and carried him out into the hallway. 

"Thor! What are you doing? Let go of me this instant!"  
  
"With all the fuss this morning, you never got your cuddles. You always feel better after your morning cuddles."  
  
Loki relaxed. "Well. I suppose we may as well get this over with," he grumbled.  
  
And after getting both his belly and his ears rubbed, he did indeed feel better. Enough that he threw up on the ambassador's bed, to make him feel at home. Never let it be said that Loki did not understand the importance of hospitality.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a loooong train delay yesterday with spotty wifi, so I had no choice but to watch The Avengers and miss a department meeting. Here's the result.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

The trees at the north side of Gladsheim were attacked by blight, and the gardeners finally lost their valiant, months-long battle. The head gardener approached the family, asking whether they would like new trees planted, or if they would prefer some type of garden.

“We want it to be a catnip bed,” Loki said quickly.

“We should all discuss it, dear,” Frigga told him.

“Fine. We should all agree that it ought to be a catnip bed,” he answered.

But then Odin, _just because he was king,_  overruled Loki. He wanted a topiary garden.

Odin, the All-Seeing, indeed. If he really saw everything, he should have seen this coming.

One morning, after the new garden was well established, Loki strolled casually into the forest. He didn’t come back until he had managed to gather an army of very hungry beetles, which he led into the garden.

Odin saw the beginning of the attack from Hlidskjalf and sent Thor to stop it. Unfortunately for the garden - not to mention the gardeners who stood by, watching their work being devoured before their eyes - he could catch his brother, but he couldn’t exactly stop all the beetles. There were too simply too many of them. And Mjolnir would be _really_  disgusting when it was over. So he left the gardeners to their hopeless work with fumigators and sprays, and he carried a snarling Loki to the throne room to face his punishment.

“You destroyed the whole northeastern section of the garden,” Odin sighed. “I can’t just ignore that. Loki, I sentence you to one hour in your room with no toys.”

Loki gasped in horror as Thor carried him away.

Frigga came to see him halfway through it.

“I can’t believe he would do this to me. He hates me,” Loki told her.

“Loki, your father loves you. He just wants you to spend a little time thinking about what you’ve done.”

“He’s _not_  my father.”

“Then am I not your mother?”

He regarded her thoughtfully. “I’m not sure,” he said. “My left ear is rather itchy.”   


  
  
The damaged section of the garden was replaced with a catnip bed.

“I thought you were angry with him?” Frigga said.

“I am. But he’s just so cute,” Odin answered. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki defeats Malekith, teaches Thor to have some respect for the importance of catnip toys, and lies about his sex life. Also, he needs a better publicity team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been forever, but Lokitty has returned. :) Credit for the idea of the first section goes to DaughteroftheKindlyWest.
> 
> Enjoy!

All-Seeing Odin marched at the head of the enraged Einherjar, flanked by his two proud sons, the Mighty Thor and the Clever Loki. For three days and three nights the war-storm raged. Fire-forged weapons sang songs of bravery and blood. 

The forces of Asgard flagged, weapon-arms weary. The Dark Elves, too, dwindled in patience and power. And at last Clever Loki met Malekith the Accursed on the bridge between worlds, the rainbow-way that spanned the stars. Loki's knives screamed of glory as they gutted the silver air, but Malekith's dark energy eroded their death-dealings into vain and void. 

Loki, predator and prince, deprived of that sleep which renewed his vital vigor, that sustained his clever constitution, slipped his step upon a stone. The armies of Asgard trembled; to see Loki Prey-Slayer brought low was to see loss brought to the realms. Malekith smiled his malevolence upon the stunned and weary watchers. But Loki Liesmith stood and coughed, creating from his laughing gaping maw a hairball, the like of which nor good nor evil armies had e'er before beheld. 

This hairball, heaven-sent from the gut of the god himself, fell upon the foot of Malekith, Accursed, Fell-Fought. 

"Oh. My. God," said Malekith, staring at his shoe. "I can't even." 

"I know, right?" said Kurse. 

And so Asgard stood victorious, her enemies laid low in loss, retreating to their ruined realm. 

***** 

"I'm bored, Thor," Loki said. 

"What am I supposed to do about it?" 

"Entertain me. Of course." 

"Aww," Thor said in a sickly sweet voice. "Does the widdle kittums need some fun time? As soon as I get done wif dis, we'll pway with his widdle mousey." 

Loki's eyes narrowed. "Don't patronize me." 

Thor laughed. "So you don't want to play with your mousey?" 

"Don't joke about my mousey, Thor. We've talked about this before. I _love_ my mousey and it is _not_ a joke." 

"Well, it is pretty funny to watch you attacking something so fake. It's hot pink. Mice don't come in hot pink." 

"Fine," Loki hissed. "Let's see how you like it to have your most important things made into mere toys." 

Thor tensed. It was difficult not to tease his brother sometimes, but he needed to remember there were limits. 

Loki jumped up onto Thor's desk. "Oh, look! A quill! You use those for writing important things." A quick snap of his jaws broke it in half. 

"And your inkwell! So nice and shiny, it would be a shame if something were to happen to th- _whoops_!" 

"Please, Loki, I'm sorry," Thor began, looking in horror at the ink spreading across his carpet. 

"Not nearly sorry enough," Loki answered, slipping through Thor's fingers. 

Loki's feet were light as air as he danced away from his frantic brother towards a tall stack of books. 

"No, those aren't mine," Thor gasped as he ran around the desk, hands out to catch them as Loki's foot sent them flying. He didn't make it. 

And then Loki was on the far end and Thor was running again, trying in vain to keep up as Loki darted back and forth, sending things crashing to the floor on whatever side Thor wasn't. 

By the time he had gotten his vengeance, the table was bare, Loki was purring, and Thor was collapsed on the floor where he'd slipped on a mess of papers. 

Thor stared upwards as a pair of trim black ears appeared over the edge of the table, followed by a pale forehead and glowing green eyes. 

"I believe there was talk of playing with my mousey?" he said. 

***** 

Thor sat, watching the door of the council chamber. The princes had been invited to join today's meeting, and his brother was seconds away from being late. That was quite a lot to accept, even from Loki. Fortunately, he came sauntering in just moments before the heavy bronze doors slammed shut. 

Loki yawned ostentatiously as he took the empty chair next to Thor. "Sorry, long night. Lots of lady cats," he said with a smirk. 

Everyone nodded understandingly, forcing their faces not to betray their amusement. 

The first few years after Loki had grown up had seen long lines of villagers, toting baskets full of disturbingly intelligent black kittens, all demanding an audience with the king. Odin had paid them all handsomely to provide for their proper care, and by silent agreement, no one discussed the fact that these were, by law, the third through the two-hundred and forty-seventh individuals in line for the throne of Asgard. But it was a well-known fact that by now the villagers had learned to keep their lady cats indoors during kitten season. 

"Oh, yes. _Lots_ of lady cats," Loki said again. 

***** 

"Thor?" 

"Yes, Loki?" 

"Why haven't you made me an internet celebrity yet?" 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to more thrilling adventures! Who will win in the showdown of the year, Frost Kitty versus Roomba? Will Loki fit in the very small box? And most important of all, will he choose to go in, or out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

The court sat enraptured as they listened to the explorer's tale. Odin had financed his journey only two years ago, and he was already back with glistening jewels and shining memories. One in particular caught Loki's attention.

"Thor! I need one of those!" Loki hissed at his brother.

Thor sighed. "Loki, you'd only kill it, and then it would bore you. You might not even stay interested long enough to kill it."

"I would not," Loki replied indignantly.

"You really want one."

"Yes."

"You really, really want one."

"Yes!"

Thor sighed again. "Very well."

It took a month of planning and work, and the things were small and wily, but Thor caught one and brought it home. Loki was sleeping when Thor arrived at his chambers, and he was most displeased about being woken until he learned the reason.

Loki's whiskers quivered with excitement as he watched his gift slowly emerge from its basket. "Thank you, Thor. I'll handle it from here," he said.

"You won't kill it and leave it on someone's pillow, will you? Mother still has not recovered from the vole."

"I would _never_ ," Loki gasped, clearly horrified at the thought. "This is mine, all mine, and I love it and I will never let it go."

Thor smiled and went to bed for a few well-earned hours of sleep before it was time to join the family for lunch.

Loki was already in the small dining room when Thor arrived.

"Hello, Loki," he said pleasantly. "How are you enjoying your gift?"

Loki yawned. "My what?" he asked, turning to Thor, just as the first screams reached them from the kitchens.

*****

The box was clearly too small. Not even close. Anyone could see that. Even Loki should have been able to see that, but he didn't.

"Loki, it's not big enough. If you'd just be patient for five minutes, I can go find you a bigger one," Thor told him.

Loki just frowned in answer. He had one foot planted in the bottom of the box and was peering down, turning his head different ways as though the box might magically expand if merely viewed from the right direction.

Thor watched as Loki pivoted slightly to his left and then stepped completely out of the box before lowering his hindquarters down into it, draping one leg over the edge and crossing the other leg on top of it.

Loki fixed him with a stern look. "If I fits, I sits, Thor," he said.

*****

Heimdall saw something on Midgard which would ease the burdens of the palace servants, and Odin agreed readily enough to the purchase.

Loki was  _not_  happy.

"It's all very well for you tailless-ape-gods," he hissed. "It's not trying to eat  _your_  parts."

"It won't harm your tail," Thor said. Loki was standing in the middle of Thor's bed -where Thor was, in fact, lying - and glaring at the Roomba that whirled around the chamber. "If you'll let me up, I'll show you."

Loki stepped off Thor's chest. Thor gratefully filled his lungs (for all the elegance of his figure, Loki weighed far more than he had any right to do) and got out of bed. He picked up the little cleaner and flipped it over. "See? This is where it pulls in dirt. The slot is far too small to catch your tail. You have no need to fear."

"I didn't say it  _could_  eat my tail. I said it  _tried to,_ " answered Loki, imperious.

"Ah. Yes. Obviously, there is no way it could defeat such a foe," Thor said. 

"Obviously."

*****

"Can you please choose in or out?"

"Just a minute. I'm thinking."

"Yes, and while you are thinking I need to use the facilities, rather urgently. I don't care which way you go. I don't mind if you come in. I don't really even mind if you stare at me, though I would prefer you not sit on my lap while I'm... you know."

Loki's eyes lit up. "You _do_ have a great lap," he said.

" _No_."

"Really, Thor. Don't get yourself all worked up. I haven't even decided yet if I'm coming in."

 


	10. Chapter 10

Thor’s forehead felt strange when he woke up. Wet. He touched it gingerly. Yet, definitely wet. He got up and opened his curtains, letting in the morning sun, and when he turned back to the room he found nearly everything in it had received a large swooping L in green paint. He looked at his fingers. Green. He went reluctantly into the bath chambers, where he found a smudged L on his face. He sighed and went to breakfast, passing L after L on his way.

“I see you’ve had a busy night, Loki,” he said as he took his seat.

Loki looked up from his breakfast, whiskers trembling with excitement. “I have. I think it’s really going to work this time. I spent so much time making things mine with my scent bottle, and no one respected it. I don’t even know what you people bother having noses for. I've tried scratching things but Mother keeps trimming my nails and having the reuphoulsterer come ruin all my careful work. But now no one can claim they don't know what's mine.”

“I do wash daily, you know,” Thor pointed out.

Loki pulled a paint pot and brush from under the table. “So you can reapply. Just let me know when you run low.”

Thor sighed. “I don’t really want to wear an L on my face for the rest of my life,” he said.

Loki looked at him pityingly. “Well, there’s only one other way I can think of to mark you as my territory.”

 

*****

 

Loki appeared at the breakfast table looking mournful.

"Would you like some tea, dear?" asked their mother.

"No, thank you," he sighed.

"Ham? Bacon? Kippers?"

He shook his head. "What's the point?"

"We eat breakfast because we enjoy it and because it fuels us for the day ahead," she reminded him.

"I mean, what's the point in any of it? In living? Eating breakfast can only prolong my suffering."

Thor braced himself. "What's wrong, Loki?"

"It's lost. Forever. I have no reason to live."

"I beg your pardon... what is lost?"

Loki shot a glare at him before remembering that he was trying to look bereft. "My mousey. You know how much I love it and now it's gone."

Their father made an undignified spluttering noise and excused himself hastily. Their mother managed to keep a tightly neutral face. "Are you sure it's lost, and not simply misplaced?"

"Of course I am! It's gone forever, and I am all alone in the world." Loki slouched down in his chair.

"I'm here," said their mother.

"I don't _play_ with you."

"Thor plays with you."

"Thor only lets me bite him on special occasions."

"You bite me all the time," Thor pointed out.

"But I only get to do it once before you take your hand away."

Thor sighed. "Loki, do you remember when I fell in love with Lady Gunhild?"

"What about it?"

"When she told me that she felt nothing more than friendship, I felt as you do now. That there was no happiness left for me, that I had no reason to go on. But I did, and in time I healed from it, so that the pain is now no more than a distant memory."

Loki turned to him. "So you truly mean to compare your first heartbreak with the loss of my mousey?"

It was a pleasant surprise. Of course they were magnitudes apart, but he was amazed that Loki would find it so. "No, of-"

"Because _this_ is not the sort of loss you get over, Thor, I am _destroyed_ inside and there is no more joy in the world."

Thor's shoulders fell. "If I go look for your mousey, do you promise not to get hungry and eat my breakfast while I am searching?"

Loki thought a moment and shrugged. "Eh."

 

*****

 

This was one of Thor's favorite forests, the trees spread far enough apart to allow the sunshine and birdsong to fall freely upon him as he rode to the lodge. Loki had gone the day before, which was when Thor had intended to go, as well, before finding himself delayed by official duties. The horse's even gait soothed him into a reverie. He could not say how long he rode before spotting the trickle of smoke rising into the air.

He urged his horse to greater speed but the tendril rapidly became a black column, billowing into the air. He reined her in and dismounted. "Back to Gladsheim with you," he said, and gave her a cheerful clap on the flank. She turned towards home as Thor took to the air.

It was too late. By the time he arrived at the clearing beside the family's hunting lodge it was engulfed in flame, and Loki was sitting just inside the treeline, watching it burn.

Thor landed beside him. "What in the realms happened?" he asked, horrified. There was no point even calling the rain now; as far gone as it was, better to let it finish. Anything he saved would simply be more work when they came to rebuild.

Loki looked up at him with wide eyes. "I don't know! It just caught on fire."

"How did it start?"

"I don't know! I said I don't know. It just happened." He was still holding Thor's gaze. Innocent. So innocent. Too, too innocent.

"I lit the oven and put my breakfast in to cook, and it was taking a while – altitude, you know – and so I was merely playing with a few matches to pass the time, and then the house was on fire. Before I even got to eat. I'm very hungry."

"It just happened to catch on fire."

"Yes."

"While you were playing with matches."

"Exactly."

"And there's no chance these two events were connected?"

"I don't see how they could be."

"Loki?"

"Yes, Thor?"

"I think you burned down the hunting lodge."

"That seems very unlikely."

Thor fixed Loki with his sternest look - growing up with his brother, he'd gotten quite good at it - and said, each syllable precisely enunciated, "I think it _is_ likely. In fact I think it's so likely that there is no other possible explanation."

"You do?"

"Yes. And you're going to have to tell Mother and Father."

Loki's face fell. "Oh. I thought perhaps you could do that."

"You really think they'll believe that I was the one to burn down the hunting lodge?"

"Well, not if you claim it by yourself. But I'd back you up. You could say you were being careless with your lightning."

Thor was going to refuse, he was all ready to refuse, he was even opening his mouth to say no... when he heard it. Loki wasn't just giving him that bright and hopeful look that tended to make Thor do whatever he wanted. He was _purring._

"You know I can't resist the purring, don't you," Thor muttered.

Loki beamed at him. "Can we go get breakfast?"

 

*****

 

The raucous celebration had lasted for nine hours now and showed no signs of slowing. It might have been easier to bear if only Thor could sleep through it but the noise rang from the walls and echoed through the corridors. It had been his battle, his triumph, and this was his celebration and here he was in bed alone, lying on his stomach and cursing the ineffectuality of healing stones on strained ligaments. The pain in his lower back throbbed and swelled in a mockery of the songs being sung in his honor.

He barely heard the scratching at his door. He hauled his bulk painfully to his feet and, leaning forwards, hobbled over to open it. Loki slipped in, a dainty and nimble cat, his steps silent on the gray stone floor.

"Come to gloat, have you?" Thor asked sourly. He collapsed face down onto the bed, not waiting for an answer.

It came in the form of a gentle paw on his side, hesitant at first, and then Loki was climbing onto his back and walking up and down. His claws were retracted and his weight was just right to work out the ache.

"That feels amazing, Loki," Thor groaned.

Loki gave a soft mew, barely more than a puff of air. He sat down and kneaded his front paws on a particularly tender spot before curling up atop it. The warmth of his small body was easily worth ten times all the stones that had been crumbled over Thor earlier that day.

"You'll miss the rest of the feast," Thor pointed out.

Loki's paws tightened once, as though to say _I know_ , and then somehow, despite the noise, they were asleep.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Loki Cat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3752641) by [JaneDoe876](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneDoe876/pseuds/JaneDoe876)




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